here is a debacle...
If I shall ever use the term "asshole", just make the assumption I am talking about my ex T.C. I have been asshole free for a year now and that feels pretty good. My self esteem is back to normal levels, I don't cry every time I take a shower or go to bed. 12 months ago I couldn't even look at a picture of him without crumbling like a fresh cookie. Personally, I think I have come a long way since days where asshole consumed my life. That does not go without saying that I think about him every day and miss him from time to time but I thank God/Buddha/Muhammad/Whoever all the time that he is no longer in my life. Asshole treated me worse than people who hate me treated me. I guess it is safe to assume that he always hated me, even when he "loved" me.
No good things come out of reminiscing on the times where he was around. That is gone now. For good this time.
But I miss feeling in love. For quite some time now I have been quite obviously a hopeless romantic. Love is the only thing that really matters. I full heartedly believe that. Being in love is a high that no drug I have ever done has provided. Its 100% comfort. Knowing that what you feel is strong and intense and amazing but knowing that someone feels it back... That's the special part.
Everyday I secretly doubt that someone will ever feel that way about me. I am no longer consumed by Asshole being in my life, or out of it, but I am now consumed with worrying that I will be alone for life. 20 years old is not very old but this is the age to be foolish and fall in love without fear. I want that.
And I want someone to fall equally stupid in love for me.
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